He can be seen shuffling along, his pants low, his limbs elastic, his head bobbing to some random tune. Something remarkable occurs, and he cries out “Sheeeeeittt!” He is Tyrone, one of the many demigods of the Clown World pantheon.
Tyrone is the archetype of not giving a fuck anymore. Mostly because of early childhood trauma, but also perhaps for natural reasons, Tyrone doesn’t think beyond the immediate future. If something happens, he simply reacts to it. Tyrone likes to live in the now, reasoning that there’s something inhuman about scheming for a future that may never come.
Legend has it that Tyrone was conceived when his mother offered her pussy up for a rock of crack. His father then disappeared, never to be heard from again. No-one ever invested in Tyrone’s education, and as such he is an exceptionally unrefined being. Tyrone couldn’t pass the marshmallow test no matter what the schedule of rewards was.
Although many mock Tyrone for being low-IQ, there’s more to him than that. He also represents the spontaneity that brings joy to life. Humour always follows in his wake (even if it’s of the slapstick, wacky variety). Tyrone loves laughing, eating, partying and he especially loves fucking.
Not even Chad enjoys busting a nut as much as Tyrone does. For Tyrone, getting his end away is to ascend into heaven. The excitement of getting laid is so great that the possibility of it gives colour and meaning to all of life. Every attractive woman gets a “Sheeeeiiittt”.
Many a Clown World denizen summons the power of Tyrone to decrease their sexual anxiety. These magicians hold in their minds an image of the person that they would like to make love to and think “Sheeeeeiiittt!” This allows them to relax and to see the sexual encounter as an opportunity to create a lifelong memory.
In the Clown World pantheon, Tyrone represents the space between the Great NPC and Doomer, between the Negative Fundamental Axis and the Negative Masculine Axis. As such, he is more of a demigod than a real god. In a sense, he is a double negative masculine energy, combining the mindlessness of the Great NPC with the nihilism of Doomer.
One consequence of representing double negative masculine energy is that Tyrone commits an enormous amount of sex crimes. The tyronic mentality considers weakness and passivity an invitation. He doesn’t care if a woman is drunk, underage, or incapacitated in some sense – he just ploughs in.
Fitting with this sexual recklessness, Tyrone has a great number of illegitimate children. He is infamous for his hit-and-run mating style. Any citizen of Clown World who does not know their father could be said to possess some tyronic energy. This energy can cause them to behave like Tyrone, making short-term decisions.
The appearance of Tyrone is usually a bad omen. It commonly means that violence and disorder are about to come to one’s neighbourhood. Tyrone has an extremely casual attitude to property crime, which causes him to acquire things without due consideration. His followers have similar attitudes.
However, the appearance of Tyrone can also mean good times and hilarity is coming one’s way. Tyrone is a demigod of disorder, and this can bring much-needed levity. Many people experience a crushing, suffocating sense of excess order in Clown World, thanks to the fact that everything has been monetised down to the last detail, and that every last second of time is accounted for. Tyrone promises release from these strictures.
Tyrone is in it for a good time, not a long time. As such, he’s usually up for any wack-brain scheme that someone comes up with. He is willing to take massive risks for minimal or even negative reward. When it all goes horribly wrong, he just cries “Sheeeeeiitttt.” He never seems to sustain the serious injuries that one expects him to.
Some of the funniest stories in the Clown World pantheon result from the Merchant’s attempts to win the loyalty of Tyrone. The Merchant wants to send Tyrone after his enemies, to destroy their neighbourhoods and perhaps even kill them. But Tyrone, not being pure evil, never fully trusts the Merchant, and so can never totally be controlled.
Other funny stories involve Tyrone trying to impress Stacy, but ending up with Karen. Somehow, Karen got it into her mind that Tyrone has an gigantic penis, so she hooks up with him, hoping that his irrepressible lust will make her feel young again. Sometimes she has to trick him, which can lead to all kinds of consequences.
Tyrone is far from evil – he also sells weed to anyone who might need it. An international traveller who just turned up in a new city might get quality drug hookups from befriending him. Tyrone’s just loose. This looseness can create great joy for those who feel that Clown World is excessively restrictive.
This article is an excerpt from Clown World Chronicles, a book about the insanity of life in the post-Industrial West. This is being compiled by Vince McLeod for an expected release in the middle of 2020.
If you enjoyed reading this essay, you can get a compilation of the Best VJMP Essays and Articles of 2019 from Amazon for Kindle or Amazon for CreateSpace (for international readers), or TradeMe (for Kiwis). A compilation of the Best VJMP Essays and Articles of 2018 and the Best VJMP Essays and Articles of 2017 are also available.