Lock – kaiwhītiki
Two very tall men, wearing numbers 4 and 5, sit in a cafe wearing tikis and drinking coffee. They are wearing the cafe tikis.
Loosehead Prop – pou waho
The camera shows a heavy-set man wearing a number 1 jersey. Behind him, in the crowd, is a man with a foam “We’re No. 1” hand, and he shouts “Wahooo!”
Tighthead Prop – pou roto
A heavy-set man wearing a number 3 jersey floats down to the ground by means of a helicopter rotor sticking out of his jersey.
Blindside Flanker – pou kāpō
A car pulls up at a rugby ground and four men wearing number 6 leap out. The blindside flankers had been carpooling.
Openside Flanker – pou tuwhera
A tooth fairy wearing a number 7 jersey floats down to take place on the side of a scrum.
Halfback – kairau
A short man wearing a number 9 jersey runs through the streets of Cairo, stopping to pick up a ball from the ground and pass it.
Forward – pou mua
A scrum is set down, but instead of a forward pack there are eight cows linked together, mooing. Forwards are mooers.
Back – pou muri
A spectator observes the brown skin of the backline and says “Hey, the backs are all Māori!”
Wing – taitapa
A player wearing a number 14 jersey and a necktie waits out on the wing, nervously tapping his tie. He is the tie-tapper.
Centre – topa pū
The player wearing the number 13 jersey finds a dogturd a starts to tape it up to hide it. Someone asks if he’s ready, and he replies “I’ve got to tape a poo.”
First Five-Eighth – topatahi
Wearing a number 10 jersey and waiting for the pass from the halfback is a very tall potato.
Second Five-Eighth – toparua
The player wearing the number 12 jersey has his shorts pulled up as high as they can go. He is wearing a tall pair o’ shorts.
The above is an excerpt from the upcoming Learn Maori Vocabulary With Mnemonics, by Jeff Ngatai, due to be published by VJM Publishing in the summer of 2018/19.