Should New Zealand Legalise Cannibalism Out of Respect For Maori Culture?

In recent years, people have been asking hard questions about the effects of Western colonisation on the New World. Many moral values that were taken to be universal are now being re-evaluated in the new light of Western oppression. Eventually, New Zealand will need to ask itself: were the British wrong to abolish cannibalism?

In British culture, there is a massive taboo around cannibalism. The act is considered even lower than barbaric, more befitting of an animal than of a human being. Famous cases such as the Sawney Bean family horrify British people even to this day. The taboo can be traced back at least as far as Homer and is universal in the West.

In Maori culture, before British contact, there was no such taboo. Cannibalism was rife. The act of cannibalism was, as it has been all around the world, an extremely effective black magic ritual, in which the cannibal convinced themselves that they had absorbed the power of their victim. This ritual is effective for the simple reason that it increases the ego of the cannibal and makes them more formidable in the realm of iron magic. Moral considerations didn’t come into it.

So a couple of questions have to be asked: if cannibalism was an accepted part of Maori culture (in that it was practiced by many tribes over the whole country), did the British really have the right to suppress that particular cultural expression? And, if they didn’t have that right, are we obligated to re-legalise cannibalism out of respect for Maori culture?

After all, cannibalism may have been an effective method for keeping the tribe strong. Because it was mostly the old, children and those defeated in battle who got eaten, it could be argued that this practice served to keep the Maori genepool free of weakness. If so, who are white people to impose their own moral framework over a useful practice?

The major objection to cannibalism is that it is almost never consensual, and arguably could not ever be with someone of right mind, for the simple reason that it goes against basic self-preservation instincts. Getting cannibalised in New Zealand usually meant that one’s brains were first dashed out with a patu or taiaha, and it’s hard to legalise this for obvious reasons.

Another major objection is that many Maori tribes actually opposed the practice of cannibalism, and were happy to welcome the British settlers, who not only also opposed it but who had muskets to make their opposition count. The Ngati Porou of the author of this piece is one such example. Thus is could be argued that cannibalism was never a universal Maori practice and therefore not an integral part of the culture.

However, these objections have to be considered in the context of modern technology. As Sir Apirana Ngata said: “Ko to ringa ki ngā rakau a te Pāhekā” (“Your hands to the tools of the Pakeha”). Well, now ngā rakau a te Pāhekā include machines that can grow animal flesh in laboratories, and cheaply enough so that a lab-grown steak can be produced for $20. It won’t be long until we can cheaply grow human flesh in a lab.

If human flesh can be grown in a laboratory, this would get around the problem of people having to be killed into order for cannibalism to be possible. This would get around the moral objections so far presented against the legalisation of cannibalism. If there are then no remaining objections to legalising cannibalism, one is forced to conclude that the balance of liberty ought to fall on the side of established precedent.

Because cannibalism has been practiced in these isles for much longer than English has been spoken, it seems natural to conclude that it ought to take precedent over British settler values like not practicing cannibalism. Therefore, the New Zealand Government ought to take action that clearly demonstrates its respect for Maori culture, and make the practice of cannibalism legal.


If you enjoyed reading this essay, you can get a compilation of the Best VJMP Essays and Articles of 2017 from Amazon for Kindle or Amazon for CreateSpace (for international readers), or TradeMe (for Kiwis).

11 thoughts on “Should New Zealand Legalise Cannibalism Out of Respect For Maori Culture?”

  1. What an irresponsible, and unbalanced race-baiting article. This kind of selective cherry picking just builds anti-Maori culture sentiment from asking a rhetorical question. You frame this issue as if Maori culture hasn’t adapted to technology and as if it’s a core value of modern cultural life for Maori. Unsubscribing, and will be getting others to unsubscribe too. Expected more from VJM.

      1. Hi there. I enjoyed the post because while it is Satirical it makes some pertinent points about the fact that not all cultures are the same and the cultural values of one culture must dominate when cultures have totally incompatible values that will cause conflict unless one set of values and laws is set for the county.

        May I have your permission to republish it as a guest post on our blog? I will, of course, link back to your site.

    1. Hilarious Article. I’m sure it will only be white’s without a sense of humor who will be offended. Humor is a good way to bring up sensitive issues in modern times. At the heart of the issue is how far-leftwing ideology has such a hard time lining up history with the political/social views they’ve been taught. For them it’s much easier to do a few things; pretend the history is exaggerated so as to make it irrelevant, just ignore it altogether, try to validate the grotesque act with explanations or blame the act on white immigration. In western culture we are taught to own our past, acknowledge horrible acts and learn from them. The way far-leftwing ideology treats western history is vastly different than how they treat other native cultures. For example, in movies you see so many horrible acts from history greatly exaggerated, they are not actively stuffed under the rug. Witch burnings, torture on the rack, execution by guillotine etc. When these things are shown you don’t have left-wingers coming out screaming bloody murder. But, if you write a sarcastic article about cannibalism, the outrage will come for sure. And the person outraged is not probably outraged. It’s like when they say don’t run when you encounter a bear because it could activate their natural predatory instincts that you are prey. The far-leftwinger see’s political incorrectness and their natural predatory instincts are triggered. It’s not until after they have eaten you and the hair is dangling from their teeth that they realize what they’ve done.

  2. Hello

    I really enjoyed your satirical article. My reply to VJMP on the post has not appeared so I will try one more time with a direct comment this time.
    I would like permission to republish this article on our blog . If you give permission we will, of course, link back to your site.

  3. I know this is satire but it would have read better if you had done some research and attempted not to perpetuate certain myths.

  4. Should New Zealand Legalise Cannibalism Out of Respect For Maori Culture?
    I’ve been tempted to ask the same question many times, especially with all these woke lefties and part browns being offended by every thing non maori, tearing down statues and the like.

    Every time I see a maori carving, a maori painting, graffiti on a maori’s face, and maori place names I’m offended.
    It reminds me of all the things that these disgusting people did to each other not too long ago,
    Female infantacide.
    Murder, rape, child molestation, burglery and robery.
    Maori cannibalism, the shrunken-head trade and Maori child prostitution,
    Don’t forget slavery,
    These people did some horrendous acts before the white man came along and showed them that there was a better way, ( no thanks for that little number )
    Some of these activists want to return to their old barbaric ways, they are still murdering their children in ever increasing numbers and this filthy leftist government does nothing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *