Money – pūtea
A mafia godfather is on the phone in his office. An underling comes up to him and says “I’ve got your money.” The mafia godfather points to the top of his desk and says “Put ‘er here.”
Money (II) – moni
A bank robber is making a get away in a car with a back seat full of cash. The cash in the back seat keeps complaining about being stolen money, so the robber says “Can you guys stop being so moany?”
Bank – pēke
A man is climbing a mountain range, and as he comes close to the top he discovers a bank hidden among the peaks. He found the bank once the mountains started getting peaky.
Cash – ukauka
A man walks into a brothel, and says to the madam “I want two women at the same time.” The madam motions to a room where two women are waiting and asks “Cash or card?” The man hands over a sheaf of twenty dollar notes. He pays cash for hooker hooker.
Account – kaute
A man walks up to a bank teller, who is in the process of putting on a heavy lambskin coat. The man says “I’d like to check my account.” The teller says “Sure, just let me get coated.”
Loan – pūtea taurewa
Two women are sitting beside each other on a tour bus. One of them says “I’m going to have to end the tour soon because I’m running out of money.” The other woman says “I got an enormous loan so I won’t have to end the tour ever.”
Savings/Investment – pūtea penapena
A tribe of pens elect one of their number, the greatest, as their leader. He is the pen of pens. The first thing he does is go into a bank and opens a savings account.
to save – whakaputu
A woman walks through a shopping mall with two demons on her shoulders telling her to buy this and buy that. They want her to buy everything. She says to them “Fuck up, you two, I’m trying to save.”
to spend – whakapau
A woman looks at a bank of computer equipment as a man explains his security camera arrangement. She says “You must must have spent a lot of money.” The man says “I spent money on professionals because I wanted to avoid a fuckup.”
Overdraft – tarepa
A man dressed as a fur trapper enters a bank. He is carrying some fur traps in one hand and some furs in the other. He puts the furs on the counter and says “I’d like to pay off my overdraft.”
Mortgage – mōkete
A man walks into a house with an armful of kettles. His wife is inside, and she asks him “Did we get the mortgage?” The man replies “Yes, so I thought I’d celebrate with more kettles.”
EFTPOS card – kāri utu ā-hiko
A woman is trying to buy something at a dairy. She is holding out her EFTPOS card and waiting. The girl behind the counter is trying to hiccup and this is preventing her from setting up the EFTPOS terminal. The EFTPOS card won’t get used until the girl behind the counter can carry out a hiccup.
This wordlist is an except from Learn Te Reo With Mnemonics, a book being compiled by Jeff Ngatai for an expected release at the beginning of 2020.
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